The Empaths

“The Empaths” Oil on Wood. 2020

Robert and Antoinette were two of the kindest people I had run into during the protests in Denver. They opened up about their struggles with today’s social climate and how the protests impacted their lives directly and indirectly. They both shared details about why they felt they needed to attend, despite the exhaustion and anxiety that accompanied it. We also discussed the implications of a living in a state where a protest for black persons was mainly conducted by non-black persons, and ideas that would have been more beneficial for the intended outcome. Talking to these two about their personal lives, emotions, and ideas allowed me to capture their essence in this portrait. Listen to their interview or read their transcript below!

Transcript

Tyree: (Introduction) What brings you here today?

R: Well uh, I believe the situation where a lot of people, not only just us as black people are fed up with everything that we’ve been dealing with. From police brutality to systemic racism to having to feel uncomfortable when walking in areas where we don’t see nobody that looks like us. And um, I believe, you know when we have enough people to show that we have power behind what we can do it’s making me feel more empowered to come down here and support every day that I’ve been able to come down. And I believe if I can support any way I can playing my role even outside of protesting it’s just important to the next generation.

A: I think for me, since today is blackout Tuesday, the majority of the day has been like signing petitions or finding interviews. Uh, you know finding different causes to um donate to. And so he just came home a little bit ago and he was like “well let’s just go down to the capitol” cause I just haven’t been out here. I just honestly believe like I’m an empath and it’s like really hard for me to be around that energy. Versus for him it’s like, he can do that and I can’t. So I’ve just really been having conversations with my mom and like some of my friends around feeling bad about not being part of the protest, like when it’s been big but knowing that there are other ways that I am needed. And so really trying to figure out what that purpose is and what other things I can be doing in the background. And just knowing that like, movements need both. Like you need the people that can be out here and walking and chanting and like, having their voices heard. And then you need the people in the background signing the petitions, donating money, sharing information, educating people, things like that. So, I felt more comfortable coming down today and so we just got here a little bit ago. But yeah, and I think it’s important too, like us just being in Denver, we just moved to downtown Denver –

R: - October

T: Really?

A: - In October, so we haven’t even really been down that long. We’ve been more like in like Aurora, Stapleton, like those sort of areas.

T: - So you guys have always lived in Colorado?

A: - Yeah we’re both from here, and so I think it’s important too for like the black people of the city to come down cause I feel like especially with the negative things that are happening, like a lot of the rioters aren’t black. So I think it’s important for black people to show up in these spaces and I mean you can see today it’s majority white, so I think that’s important too to have our faces be shown.

Tyree: So that actually was going to lead me into the next question, since you guys have lived in Colorado for so long  versus like other places and the way that they’re showing the protests and how they’re predominately black, Do you think that has an effect on the way the protests are going here in Denver? Since it is predominately white?

R: Hm, that’s very interesting. I- I think it could, it definitely has an effect. Maybe due to the like the violence and the peaceful protest, and just how I believe it’s really… I’ve seen the march grow every single day I believe. So I think it really does have an impact here within the city because I feel like Colorado is a place where a lot of people can come where they feel like they might not run into racism like other places, but they may not know that it’s still here. Um, so I think it’s been big seeing people that aren’t colored coming down and how impactful it is because of the way that Colorado is perceived.

A: And I think that, goes – even though that’s positive. To play, I guess, Devil’s advocate it’s like, in having majority white people in the instances where there have been majority white people I feel like sometimes that takes away from the message. And so I remember him telling me like for the march they had the black men in front and the black women behind and I think that’s a start. And I think at times you have to just shutup, and if it’s a black peoples’ movement let us talk, let us be in the front, like comply with our demands or our asks or whether or not we want you to deface something, if we don’t want you to deface something, if we want it peaceful if we wanna turn up. It’s like, it’s not your – it shouldn’t be your decision or your call to do whatever it is you want to do in our name. You know what I mean?

T: I love that, me and you have the same sentiments about all of this. Um, I guess also I would want to ask you guys on a more personal level, um especially since you live in downtown Denver, I do as well. How have the protests interfered with your day to day life? Like, the way you’re feeling on the inside, the way that you’ve been feeling about going outside… like how has that impacted you?

R: Umm –

A: I know for both of us, because we live right up [OMIT] and uh like in between [OMIT] so it’s like, for the past -  since the protest started we’ve had to hear helicopters for the majority of our evenings even the other night, there was one at like two a.m. that woke me up out of my sleep. You hear the sirens, you hear the flashbombs, you hear the fireworks --

R: You can tell when the helicopters are even closer cause you can hear, like she said, I’ve been getting anxiety from some of this to be honest.

A: It is! It’s a lot of -- and I think it’s the collective energy in the air. And there was already that grief in the air from CoVid, and I think this just like lit a match. So on top of all of that fear and anxiety and right when we’re on the brink of like opening up anyway in this city, it’s like we have anger and angst and frustration --

T: [inaudible]

A: Yeah! And people being hurt and so I think emotionally, that’s really affecting people even more so than they think or believe now. But for me it’s like, I know I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Been having trouble like concentrating, being in like bad moods cause it’s just a collect- and again I feel like I’m an empath so maybe I’m feeling it more than others but even he was talking about, it’s overwhelming.

R: It’s overwhelming

A: Because it’s like, there’s not a lot of ways to channel it, especially with the curfew.

R: yeah

A: And now, he can’t even go to 7/11 at eight o’clock at night to get a soda.

R: [inaudible] to get like a coffee –

A: That’s like his nightly thing.

R: It’s my routine because I’m a creative director. And um, I told my boss today, we had an hour long talk before I left and I told him “I haven’t been able to create at home the same way I’m able to. Like I can’t get on the computer and grab it.” Like I’ve just been pushing it to the side because it’s like, I don’t feel – It’s weird because it’s hard to fathom the words on how I truly am feeling.

T: The more people I’ve been talking to today, the more I’ve been finding that we as a collective are feeling the exact same way. Like, people are having a hard time creating, I am for example. So it’s nice to hear that somebody else whose up late creating is also having a hard time. The anxiety that’s coming from it –

A: yeah, and I think too, just people having to work from home and like the pressures that maybe that might create. So it’s like now you already have this pressure with Covid trying to work from home, plus hearing helicopters or hearing screaming or yelling or whatever. It’s like black people are just trying to do regular work, be on Zoom, answer emails, it’s like we’re struggling. It’s hard.

R: It’s hard.